Sunday, January 13, 2008

Random Thoughts

How do you know if you need to increase your anti-depressant?
If I miss a day of my happy pill then I can totally tell.
There are some days that I feel like I haven't taken my med even though I did.
What is wrong with me?
I take my medicine and I still feel like a cranky, tired woman.
I know I need to go to a counselor and talk.
Is this really going to help me?
I'm so tired - physically and emotionally.
So why do I stay up to do little things like deleting old contacts in my outlook or posting in my blog?
I had a massage Friday night and it didn't even feel that great. Is that saying something?
I hate that I get so irritated that I end up yelling at Allison, which makes her feel like crap.
Something is missing here.
I love being with my family.
So why do I feel like I would be better off dead?
I don't want to die.
I'm actually scared of what happens after you die.
Some people say nothing happens.
It's just the end.
That's it.
One person described as when you're put under anesthesia.
But personally I believe there is more to it than that.
My soul will still live on.
I believe there is a hell and I don't want to go there.
I believe in heaven and I really hope my soul goes there so I can have peace.
Peace.
That's all I want.
Oh, I really need to go to bed.
Good night.

4 comments:

Amaya said...

Oh Sister, sounds like you had quite the panic attack. That is exactly what mine feel like. Those "what ifs" are a definite sign.
I hope you're feeling better today and that you have time to talk.
I love you!

Amaya said...

I'm so sorry you had a rough night. Those "what ifs" are a definite sign of a panic attack and it sounds like you had a doozy.
I hope you're feeling better today.
I love you.

Anonymous said...

hey i have depression issues too girl and believe me, it doesn't help when you are in the same environment as you were when you were first dealing with depression. that's how it is for me right now and i'm just dragging down further and further. i have a counselor i talk to, but i'm not on meds, don't like em too much. but if you ever need to talk to someone about something, i'm a good ear. :D later hon, Jessica

Anonymous said...

hey you thanks for the birthday card, i'm so happy you remembered, but so help me if i can remember yours, i think it's september 30, but i'm sure i'm wrong, maybe it's the 15th, oh heck i don't know....but your card was very sweet and we do need to get together again soon!! call me when you get a free chance. Jessica V.